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But I also didn't believe that a gay man would ever be attracted to a straight woman, and I was naive — too naive to see why a homosexual man would marry and spend years lying to his wife, his friends, his family and himself.

The beginning I was a 19-year-old college freshman in Kentucky when I met Chris.

I suppose I was always suspicious, but I was in denial.

While the media focuses on the men, I watch their wives standing next to them and wonder about the suffering, lies, emotional confusion and rage that they may be living through. There are so many obvious questions for a wife like me: Didn't I realize he was gay? And if I had suspicions, why didn't I confront him earlier or divorce him?

I thought it was a storybook romance for nine months — until Chris abruptly said, "I can't do this anymore." He refused to explain why; I was distraught and confused.

A few weeks later, over the holidays, we met to talk. Of course, I could have asked more questions, but I convinced myself that Chris had gotten cold feet because we had become serious so quickly.

"I haven't done anything wrong." Instead of arguing about how I felt or figuring out how I wanted to handle the larger issue, I focused on what I needed at that moment — to take medicine and get healthy — much as I had throughout our rocky marriage.

It took a few more days of wrenching confrontation for our marriage to disintegrate.

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